Touch and Touché : How Physical Touch Affects a Marriage

You must have experienced it to some degree in your marriage. I’ve heard some women jokingly call it the Cold War, since the couple shares long, steady periods of silence amongst themselves, all the time building up on ammunition to strike next, at the best given time.

The most fatalistic aspect of such a situation is the language used, starting from the name. What you say is what you get: so the chances of running into a pleasant situation increase when you call it the spring of romance instead of the Cold War. The outcome is equally predictable: there is no meltdown until one party gives in to a smug spouse, who takes his / her sweet time to respond.

Here is the question though: what is the purpose for such a tactic? How else can it be achieved? Most importantly, can it be achieved without going through the wear and tear of the silent treatment?

As a Relationship Coach a crucial factor that needs to be determined is what the end game actually is. If the purpose of an endless silent battle ensuing in the house that affects everyone who lives in it is for the husband to understand his wife’s point of view, then there is a much simpler and less grueling way to achieve the purpose.

It takes just a small fraction of the amount of time and effort on the wife’s part and is easy on the hearts and minds of both partners. This nearly magical trick is called Physical Touch: a constant reminder of love in a good marriage.

The first thing that nearly every woman does on reaching a disagreement with her husband is physically distancing herself from him. Gone are the hugs, the pats of approval and all other endearing terms of affection. In come the icy cold stares, the banging of the doors and meals eaten in uncomfortable silence. A better approach would be for the wife to keep giving her husband the validation that he seeks for the good habits that he keeps up despite a disagreement through means of physical touch.

Physical touch is a constant reminder to your spouse that you care. In the face of a minor, or even a major disagreement the one aspect that shows your spouse that you are steadfast in your feelings for him will be your body language towards him. Your body language is your expression of security and tells your spouse you are here to stay despite your differences.

The conveyance of security through your endearing body language is imperative also because it is something you would like for yourself. The best way for your husband to understand the value of an expression of love for you is for him to feel the same intensity for himself. When you selflessly give to him despite a disagreement, he will wish he were the first to think of it.

When disagreements are dealt with as natural aspects of a marriage, and handled with the utmost love throughout its course, both partners emerge from it as refreshed individuals, as their deepest fears of rejection or disapproval are met with unconditional support.

The change you want to see in your marriage is entirely dependant on the steps you are willing to take towards it.

Physical touch is just one expression of love in a marriage. I’ve documented a collection of steps you can take everyday, regardless of where you are in your location and your  marriage. It all starts with your first step bi’thnillah.

You can get my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves: Keep Your Husband In Love Everyday” here.