The Burden of Excess Emotional Baggage – The Bane to Every Progressive Marriage

As a relationship coach I run into a fair share of clients who seek to progress in their marital relationship and yet remain frightfully stagnant despite their resolve to move forward during our calls.

The advancement of such clients is hindered by the burden of the emotional baggage of the past that they compel themselves to carry.

Wives tend to carry the weight of arguments of the past, especially the ones that were left unresolved. They seldom realize that bearing the burden of negative emotions from the past is similar to the analogy of lugging along a huge, bulky suitcase during the course of a typical day.

Imagine having to bear the responsibility of such a monstrosity from the moment you wake up until the time you go back to sleep. It is constantly in your way, causing your clumsiness, possibly even running over your toes. Those who choose to overlook the inconvenience of it all cannot possibly ignore the pressure exerted on their shoulders as a result of their decision.

Thankfully, word choice is the one tool that almost always works in getting the message across to those who are adamant on subjecting themselves to this strain. I do not stop at calling it emotional baggage. It is in fact, ‘excess’ emotional baggage.

Calling such thoughts excessive helps put things into perspective for the client. If it is excessive then it has obviously exceeded the desired amount, and outlived its usefulness.

Bearing the weight of emotions is a choice, and that too an easily made one. It is less demanding than forcing oneself to step out of the comfort zone and dare to visualize a setting where the mishaps that one encounters are the results of the poor choices the person makes. It is easy to be absolved of responsibility and in effect, blame and instead pin it on the partner.

Forgiveness however, is not a mere action. Forgiveness is a commitment, and like every other cognizant decision, one cannot keep going back to the causes that led to the decision and on having second thoughts, resort to the blame game.

Forgiveness is a one-way street only because you cannot turn back once you are on it, and turning back will cause a major injury to any one or all those involved. A wife cannot move on towards progressing in her relationship if she keeps dwelling on the mechanics of the past.

The best way to solve a problem is usually the simplest, just like the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The human mind tends to rely on complications in order to prove the validity of a solution.

Not an expert in your relationship? Then today is your luckiest day. It’s not as hard as it sounds, but it can’t be done over night. That’s why nobody talks about this when you are getting married. Because most people want you to believe that a great marriage is a turn-key overnight solution.

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To your perfectly successful and happy marriage.

Fatima A. Khan