The Litmus Test of Acceptance

You know you have not fully accepted your spouse for what he is if you are still thinking of ways to change him. This is the litmus test of acceptance.

I have sisters approaching me with life goals that involve their husbands, and I want to tell you that your goals in life are literally your goals. You are only in control of how you think, what you do and consequently what you have in your life. If you want more of anything for your husband, the first step is to accept him the way he is, and then work on the things that you want for yourself.

You husband will catch on to your positive outlook on life that stems from your progress towards your personal goals. Lead by example, as our deen professes.

Similarly, your spouse is not your spiritual compass. If he is not striving to please Allah as much as he ought to, then adjust your lens to look at all that you ought to be doing yourself to please Allah ‘azza wa jall. He will be judged according to his capacity, not yours.

If you are using your spouse as an excuse to not be the Muslimah you seek to be, think again. Just as he is not your spiritual compass, you are not his either. Your obligatory and voluntary worship is yours alone, do not wait for him to come around to doing them regularly by your stressing on it for him.

Believe me sisters, accepting your spouse for what he is, and appreciating him for all that he is to yourself, to those around you, and especially to him is the first step towards encouraging him to aim higher and become all that he wants to be, bi’thnillah.