Life Lessons From a Skidding Car
One of my claims to fame is the fact that I can’t aim. At all.
Just the other day I was tossing my phone on the bed and the phone landed on my unassuming husband instead. I watched in horror as the phone (almost in slow motion, does that happen to you?) made its way towards him. Alhamdu lillah he was unfazed by the apparent attack and instead asked me a question that inspired this post.
He asked me, “Were you thinking of not aiming for me when you tossed the phone?”
I was surprised by this question, more so because I was thinking exactly that.
The conversation that followed was of race car drivers.
Did you know that race car drivers are trained particularly in how they handle a skidding car?
What do you think they have to be careful about when their car skids? They must make sure they are looking towards where they want to head, rather than where they don’t.
Let me explain: if the car skids and it’s headed towards a wall, the chances of avoiding the wall are greatest when the driver has eyes on where he wants to steer the car.
If he were to keep looking towards the wall instead, although he may think his efforts are exerted on steering away, his energy and reflexes will be spent on where he is looking and the car will follow.
What does that tell you about the relation between your focus and your energy?
Have you ever come across sisters who say they don’t want to be a particular kind of person and yet, become more and more of that with each passing day? This is because they haven’t decided what they want to be instead.
You may be able to tell me and yourself constantly of what and who you don’t want to be, and in this case, what kind of marriage you don’t want. Just that if the sentence constantly rolling in your head is of the don’ts instead of the dos of marriage, then your energies will be spent (wasted, rather) on what you don’t want, leading you to feel stagnancy in your relationship.
Think of what you want instead, for yourself, your marriage, your deen, your duniya and akhirah. What do you look like? How do you look at those around you? How does your demeanor and language positively affect you and those around you?
Create as vivid a picture of all that you want to be, do and have for yourself and keep that as your focus.
Race car drivers are trained and tested on this, and imagine the amount of damage that would incur if they failed. That’s tangible damage, that you can see and hear, perhaps even feel. Come to think of it, so is yours.
The next time you are telling yourself what you don’t want in terms of a living situation or even a mood, ask yourself what you want instead and keep asking until you get an answer. What you get in a reply, that is your focus and when your energies are spent in attaining that, your outcome will reflect your goals inshaAllah.
Please make du’a for my family with each positive lesson learnt, bi’thnillah.
For those sisters who have the attitude and the focus towards working for all that they want in a marriage, here is a book containing the moves. I’m vouching for it because I have personally acted upon each one of them and alhamdu lillah benefit every day from.
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s says:
askm,
ur blogs r very usefull mshla. m not married yet, but i’ll b soon nshla…i’v seen mny of my frnds really hpy & xited abt their marriages, & wen they get married, they miss their single life. i dont wan2 b 1 of those & thats y i’v signd up 4 mny islamic relationship/marriage, etc. guidance blogs & websites. out of all those, i find urs 2 b the most usefull 1, easy 2 remember . may Allah help me 2 remember the good thing that i learn & apply in my life. jazakallah khair. may allah reward u 4 this in life & aftrlife
. pls pray 4 me -
How easy it is to look at a situation in the negative. and misunderstand it completely.. yet this little lesson encourages us to look instead at a seemingly negtive situation in a positive way.. and therefore it changes negative thoughts into positive ones insha’Allah
I read recently.. stop trying to make him the best spouse and you work on becoming the best… masha’Allah I love these thoughts … keep them coming sis insha’Allah
May Allah SWT reward and help you .. ameen
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khan says:
Masha ‘Allah, I love the example you’ve used to help us better understand your ideas : a skiddin car
Yes, we must take the time out and think what we want our dunya and akhirat be like.
Without exaggeration, after readin your post I felt what it means : we’re here for no other purpose except to worship Allah. And, teachers of Islam say Ibadah (worship) is somethin very comprehensive…it means doin everythin that Allah loves and is pleased with.
It’s like what teacher estes explained in his post Increasing Iman that Allah must become our focus of attention and affection. Quite often we don’t aim to please Allah so we get nothin except for Displeasure. Because, really, if we don’t do any deed for Allah, we’ll have no share in the hereafter. And, teacher ibn qayyim put so much emphasis on doin everythin for Allah that he went to the extent that anythin we do havin kept in our mind two goals the result of that action will be void. For instance in a famous hadith it is explained that actions are judged by intention if a person migrates for marriage, his migration is for that which he migrated for. yani, he’ll get married but will have no reward in the hereafter. But, teacher ibn qayyim wants to tell us even if you have the reward in this life, it’s like you’ve wasted your time. Because, we were created to please Allah only. That’s the AiM of our life !
Masha ‘Allah, your post has helped me to concentrate in my salah even if it is for a second…i remember the example of a skiddin car…and focus on Aimin for Allah’s love and pleasure Al Hamdu Lillah.
Wassalamu alaykum waRahmatullahi waBarkaatuhu,
your sis in Islam -
and, yes, my duas are with you and yours
take care sis and enjoy the ramadan with : http://www.fastramadan.com
jazakallahu khair
wassalamu alaykum -
this article was exactly what i’m searching for! found your article bookmarked by a friend of mine. I will also share it. Thanks again!
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Amina says:
Asaalamualikum Sister,
I applaud your for the amazing and inspirational work that you are doing for the ummah and for no price but inshallah you will get a deserving reward in the hereafter, ameen. Sometimes all we need is a little push or reminder to help us find our path and your articles do just that! Jazakallah and may Allah give barakat in your work, and family.
Saher 
Zainab 
assia 
Tayibah 
Asma 
Afsah 
sina 
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needed this as i have been sulking over how things are not going the way i want them to. obviously i am staring at the wall where i dont want my car to crash.
jazakAllah khair kasirun