Things Every Husband Wants In A Wife
If you’re a parent then you can most closely relate to this. When your child insists that he wants a particular toy, and he seems eternally stuck on the, “I want,” phrase, you tell him that although he may want another toy, he certainly doesn’t need one.
As adults, we are used to thinking in terms of want vs. need when considering material additions to our lives. When it comes to emotional needs being met, the frequent terms are the most vague.
A woman says she ‘needs space’ when she feels misunderstood by her spouse. A man thinks he has to ‘get away’ when he feels overwhelmed in a given situation.
While you may consider the want of a new ottoman as nothing more than a ‘want,’ the same expression of ‘wanting’ in a relationship points to a deeper need. When men and women want something in their marriage, they are expressing just how much they need to feel a certain way to remain happy.
When you consider the things every husband wants in a wife you will notice that,
1) the ‘want’ relates a deeper need to feel connected to his lifetime companion
2) husbands want just about the same things that wife need
The first ‘want’ is the most important one. The rest are in no particular order.
Men regard respect in a marriage as highly as women regard love. Respect comes foremost for them, because it provides the foundation of a steady relationship. Respect your husband unconditionally and he will love you for it, unconditionally as wel!
I thought I respected my husband the way I ought to, and I was a controlling wife back then. I justified my actions by saying to myself, “It’s not that I don’t respect him, I’m just helping him make his choices by giving him a second opinion.” I did not realize that giving a differing opinion after my husband has already made a decision made him feel inadequate.
What is the one area of life that you consider your natural talent? It could be the fact that you organize well, or cook well, or excel at presentation, or inter-personal relationships. Imagine having your husband interrupt your happy bubble while doing the things you love with a, “Don’t you think you should..?” that completely puts you off track.
If he wants your opinion, give it to him. If he goes ahead and makes a mistake, respect him enough to hold back the, “I told you so!”
Unconditional respect means respecting your husband even when he does something you would do differently. Respect his differences in order to respect him as a person. Your husband will appreciate your respect for him and value your opinion for decisions that he makes.
There is no shortcut to earning your husband’s regard. This is the only way. Give respect to earn it.
You can tell what a wife thinks of her husband by the way she remembers him when he’s not around. Even if it’s in your head and not aloud to your friends, check the words you use to remember your husband in his absence.
Accepting your husband means resisting every possible urge to change him.
When I was newly married, I couldn’t relate to how my husband did things, at all! Even the way he would hang a used towel on the rack annoyed me! To me, my way was the only right way.
Needless to say, my marriage became exhausting very soon. I would spend my energies undoing things my husband had already done, in order to do it right. I realized I was making both of us miserable with my controlling attitude when I stopped feeling joy in doing the things I previously loved to. I didn’t enjoy reading, writing or my gym workouts as much because my mind was still wandering to the ways I must ‘educate’ my husband.
Somewhere along the way, I learnt a very important lesson. I was intolerant of my husband’s habits because I was generally ungrateful about my marriage and all that it brought me. With relationship coaching and the need for personal development entering my life, I opened my eyes to a range of difficult marriages. Here I was, focusing on the position of shoes and clothes in the house and there was so much joy in marriage that I was keeping myself from.
I realized that I can’t blame him for something I am doing out of choice, even if it is cleaning after him. We started to feel at home, I did because I did things that made me happy instead of constantly thinking of ways to make my husband do them instead. My husband started to feel at home because I was more cheerful and relaxed around him.
My husband is constantly changing for the better, as am I. Change signifies growth, and everyone constantly changes in effect to her varying experiences and life lessons. You can’t hasten or stop the change in your husband, you can steer the direction he takes with your positive attitude and encouragement along each step.
Husbands want their wives to trust them to be the best they can possible be. A wife’s trust gives the husband boundless confidence to reach his true potential. Similarly, a wife’s mistrust or low expectation of her husband keeps him from doing more that would help him and his marriage.
Most women find it hard to believe that a man gauges himself according to how his wife sees him. I’ve noticed that the women who complain about husbands being untidy, late, lazy or careless are stuck with their predicament for life. The same goes for a woman who constantly compares herself to the other women her husband comes across in a day’s work.
Appreciating even the smallest positive gesture your husband makes encourages him to be more of exactly that. Your husband will rise and fall as high or low as you expect of him. Call him unreliable and he might never pick you or the kids up on time. Call him thoughtful the one time he picks up the kids without being asked, he’ll want to do it again.
Your husband will become what you trust him to be with your words and behavior towards him.
If your husband has made a grave mistake that hurt you or your marriage, and you have decided to stay with him despite of that, commit to forgiving him completely. You can’t progress in your relationship when you constantly keep bringing up the past. Forgiveness is a commitment, and it’s yours to uphold. Honor your commitment to stay married to your husband by resolving to only look ahead, and not back.
As necessary as it is for a man to feel trusted by his wife, it’s even more important for a wife to trust her husband for her own wellness. Trust equates differently for each woman. It could mean letting your husband find his way after getting lost while driving, or seeing him off to work that is filled with attractive colleagues.
Rather than endlessly expecting your husband to do something wrong or disappointing, appreciating the things he gets right has much greater advantages. Once you trust your husband, you can take out time for yourself instead of having to constantly live in two heads at the same time. Start by focusing on all the good that is in your marriage, instead of what is not.
When all is said and done, men love to be around a girl who can laugh. It’s difficult to spend a lifetime with a person whom you can’t even laugh with. Boys only tease the girls they are fond of. The boy in this case being the husband, and the girl he teases would be you. Take it like a girl and laugh it off.
I can’t count the number of arguments we’ve laughed off as a couple. It didn’t take us very long to develop a sense of humor about our marriage. Humor stems from acceptance. Just by focusing on what is currently working in your marriage, you become thankful. Thankfulness rests in a light heart and not a heavy one. Light-hearted women laugh more and worry less. That’s the circle of humor in a marriage.
The constant thought of the things that could go wrong would be one reason that keeps you from laughing. Draw your focus back to appreciating all that good that surrounds you and follow the cheerful circle of humor.
When my sister-in-law asked my husband what he likes best about me, he said, “She eats with me, she laughs at my jokes and she understands me” in that very order.
Pretenses are hard to keep, it’s so much easier to simply be yourself. This means taking care of yourself first and owning up to the traits that makes you a person. The true charm of courtship after marriage begins once the wife allows herself to be, herself.
Allow yourself to get hurt, and then tell him what hurt you, just like a girl would.
Act like a woman, and your husband will act like a man. There is so much talk of gender equality, and most of it is misunderstood. Gender equality doesn’t mean the sameness in every habit. If that were true, then there would be female lumberjacks (lumberjanes?) and male nannies scattered across the world. You have equal rights, not equal traits. The best way to seek equality in a relationship is by embracing your individuality.
You are only in complete control of what you do. Give your husband his rights and expect only the best in return.