Share-It Wednesdays is based on the hadith of our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

Spread all that you benefit from for the sake of Allah ‘azza wa jal, share it with sisters whom you feel may benefit and even with those whom you feel may not and pray you would!

Although Share-It Wednesdays is a regular feature on the LifePepper Facebook Fan Page, this week’s Share-It is very specific: share news of the upcoming free webinar for Muslim sisters: “Speak His Language: How To Speak So Your Husband Listens” on May 15 at 3 pm NY time (replay available to those who sign up).

If you’re already part of the Webinar Wagon, you are good to gain access to this practical and informational webinar and its replay.

Share the road sisters, especially when you share the destination! Sign up for the free webinar here: http://www.LifePepper.org – scroll down on the page to find the signup form below! Once you’re on the Webinar Wagon, extend a hand to other sisters to climb on as well: send them to the signup page!

Our Prophet, sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam told us to,”Give gifts to one another, for gifts take away rancour.”

In another account, we learn that he, sal Allahu alayhi wa salla used to accept a gift and give compensation for it (Bukhari).

A gift is literally anything a person gives without expecting a payment or return. In a marriage it could be turning the kettle on in the morning without being asked, unloading the dishwasher or dryer, or even tidying up before going to bed. All these are gifts, and to follow the sunnah would mean to reciprocate each gesture.

I am a Relationship Coach for Muslim women, and I am a wife as well. Both roles have no “off-duty” shifts, since alhamdu lillah both are my identities. I can tell you from both authorities that women usually are unable to accept gifts with grace.

Read on here.

You must have experienced it to some degree in your marriage. I’ve heard some women jokingly call it the Cold War, since the couple shares long, steady periods of silence amongst themselves, all the time building up on ammunition to strike next, at the best given time.

The most fatalistic aspect of such a situation is the language used, starting from the name. What you say is what you get: so the chances of running into a pleasant situation increase when you call it the spring of romance instead of the Cold War. The outcome is equally predictable: there is no meltdown until one party gives in to a smug spouse, who takes his / her sweet time to respond.

Here is the question though: what is the purpose for such a tactic? How else can it be achieved? Most importantly, can it be achieved without going through the wear and tear of the silent treatment?

As a Relationship Coach a crucial factor that needs to be determined is what the end game actually is. If the purpose of an endless silent battle ensuing in the house that affects everyone who lives in it is for the husband to understand his wife’s point of view, then there is a much simpler and less grueling way to achieve the purpose.

It takes just a small fraction of the amount of time and effort on the wife’s part and is easy on the hearts and minds of both partners. This nearly magical trick is called Physical Touch: a constant reminder of love in a good marriage.

The first thing that nearly every woman does on reaching a disagreement with her husband is physically distancing herself from him. Gone are the hugs, the pats of approval and all other endearing terms of affection. In come the icy cold stares, the banging of the doors and meals eaten in uncomfortable silence. A better approach would be for the wife to keep giving her husband the validation that he seeks for the good habits that he keeps up despite a disagreement through means of physical touch.

Physical touch is a constant reminder to your spouse that you care. In the face of a minor, or even a major disagreement the one aspect that shows your spouse that you are steadfast in your feelings for him will be your body language towards him. Your body language is your expression of security and tells your spouse you are here to stay despite your differences.

The conveyance of security through your endearing body language is imperative also because it is something you would like for yourself. The best way for your husband to understand the value of an expression of love for you is for him to feel the same intensity for himself. When you selflessly give to him despite a disagreement, he will wish he were the first to think of it.

When disagreements are dealt with as natural aspects of a marriage, and handled with the utmost love throughout its course, both partners emerge from it as refreshed individuals, as their deepest fears of rejection or disapproval are met with unconditional support.

The change you want to see in your marriage is entirely dependant on the steps you are willing to take towards it.

Physical touch is just one expression of love in a marriage. I’ve documented a collection of steps you can take everyday, regardless of where you are in your location and your  marriage. It all starts with your first step bi’thnillah.

You can get my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves: Keep Your Husband In Love Everyday” here.

One of my claims to fame is the fact that I can’t aim. At all.

Just the other day I was tossing my phone on the bed and the phone landed on my unassuming husband instead. I watched in horror as the phone (almost in slow motion, does that happen to you?) made its way towards him. Alhamdu lillah he was unfazed by the apparent attack and instead asked me a question that inspired this post.

He asked me, “Were you thinking of not aiming for me when you tossed the phone?”

I was surprised by this question, more so because I was thinking exactly that.

The conversation that followed was of race car drivers.

Did you know that race car drivers are trained particularly in how they handle a skidding car?

What do you think they have to be careful about when their car skids? They must make sure they are looking towards where they want to head, rather than where they don’t.

Let me explain: if the car skids and it’s headed towards a wall, the chances of avoiding the wall are greatest when the driver has eyes on where he wants to steer the car.

If he were to keep looking towards the wall instead, although he may think his efforts are exerted on steering away, his energy and reflexes will be spent on where he is looking and the car will follow.

What does that tell you about the relation between your focus and your energy?

Have you ever come across sisters who say they don’t want to be a particular kind of person and yet, become more and more of that with each passing day? This is because they haven’t decided what they want to be instead.

You may be able to tell me and yourself constantly of what and who you don’t want to be, and in this case, what kind of marriage you don’t want. Just that if the sentence constantly rolling in your head is of the don’ts instead of the dos of marriage, then your energies will be spent (wasted, rather) on what you don’t want, leading you to feel stagnancy in your relationship.

Think of what you want instead, for yourself, your marriage, your deen, your duniya and akhirah. What do you look like? How do you look at those around you? How does your demeanor and language positively affect you and those around you?

Create as vivid a picture of all that you want to be, do and have for yourself and keep that as your focus.

Race car drivers are trained and tested on this, and imagine the amount of damage that would incur if they failed. That’s tangible damage, that you can see and hear, perhaps even feel. Come to think of it, so is yours.

The next time you are telling yourself what you don’t want in terms of a living situation or even a mood, ask yourself what you want instead and keep asking until you get an answer. What you get in a reply, that is your focus and when your energies are spent in attaining that, your outcome will reflect your goals inshaAllah.

Please make du’a for my family with each positive lesson learnt, bi’thnillah.

For those sisters who have the attitude and the focus towards working for all that they want in a marriage, here is a book containing the moves. I’m vouching for it because I have personally acted upon each one of them and alhamdu lillah benefit every day from.

Alhamdu lillah, Sr Yasmeen from MBMuslima Magazine interviewed me recently and my interview is published in the April / May issue of MBMuslima Magazine!

It’s so good to see relationship coaching and that too for Muslim sisters get such broad exposure, especially in an intelligent magazine such as MBMuslima

Have a look for yourself – www.MBMuslima.com, that’s one impressive table of contents mashaAllah.

While you’re having a read, please make du’a for the sisters behind the magazine for steadfastness in their purpose, and for myself as well.

A sister asked me just how you can be your husband’s girlfriend with, ‘no strings attached’ when getting married is exactly that: with strings attached.

The answer lies in giving your husband what you would like most: a best friend rolled into a spouse. His exclusive lifetime membership to the best customer service, ever.

Give your husband the sense of ease to be himself around you. Hear him out completely with your undivided attention, encourage him with a smile during an awkward conversation, and most importantly – let him finish his sentences before offering a solution.

Think about the best customer support you have ever received. How did the consultant make you feel? What did s/he say for you to speak of your problem candidly, and not have to think about your fault in the matter?

As an example, look at the given picture and mentally tick off all the services that you provide as a spouse. Now that you know the, ‘Customer Service Top 10,’ what are you going to do differently?

Men are just as capable of picking up on body language as women are. The creases on your forehead give you away even before you express displeasure at what you hear him say. The fact that you lean forward to hear him and nod at him lets him know you’re hanging on to his every word. Your body language speaks for you even when you are silent.

The way you listen to your husband when he’s speaking is a clear indication of whether you carry the gear to be his girlfriend with no strings attached. Give him the royal treatment that you deserve, and ask of your rights from Allah azza wa jal.

Treat your husband as your best customer, and remember: the customer is always right.

Such are the moves that I’ve laid out in my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves: Keep Your Husband In Love Everyday” You can get your copy by clicking here.

Alhamdu lillah, the one lesson that sisters are able to pick up on from my webinars is that of the APT approach: to Appreciate, Praise, and Thank your husband, everywhere and everytime.

So what is it about the APT approach that makes me stress it so, just about in every question I am faced with. Surely I’m better equipped as a Relationship Coach to come up with an original answer to each question that sisters ask me.

The truth remains, that the most original and honest thing you can do, in any given situation, is to simply be APT.

Read the complete article here. Remember to give in your feedback!

If Allah helps you, none can overcome you: If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? in Allah, then, Let believers put their trust.” (Surah Al-Imran 3:160)

The key to mastering your relationship is to think, act, walk and speak like the wife who has it all, already. Everything about you illustrates the trust you have in your desired outcome and your ability to achieve it, inshaAllah.

I mentioned on my Facebook Fan page how I stumbled onto an old blog that I maintained as far back as 8 years ago and subhanAllah I felt humbled by what that I knew then in relation to all that I do now.

My relationship coaching is for the Muslim sister who wants to take on her marriage with the approach of owning up to everything that happens in it, and working towards her goals keeping her personal input in mind.

Similarly my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves” is ideal for you if you want to be that girlfriend your husband chooses to date, any given day.

I can provide you the tools and I can even tell you why you ought to step into your girlfriend shoes today, and own your marriage. As a Relationship Coach I can give you the push you need towards your goals bi’thnillah, but let me tell you something straight up: you’ve got to have a prayer.

I thought of the ways I can tell you just how essential it is to have that trust and that positive vision towards all the marriage that you want, what you must do in order to have what you seek inshaAllah. Here’s an excerpt from my blog, written 4 years ago:

‘I think of our du’a after ruku in the salah. “Allah has Listened to the one who has praised him.” Affirmation. It’s not, “Allah Will.” It’s, “Allah Has.”

All of these are signs from Him, as is everything else. I guess I am trying to pen my thoughts in my own words and will keep on fumbling with words synonymous with awe, hope and contentment when all I need to echo are His very own.

“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace”[Surah Al-Ra'd 13:28]” ‘

And that is precisely the reason why making du’a is the first step in any goal setting that we get done during our coaching. We echo this affirmation after each ruku, subhanAllah.

What’s stopping you from taking that first step towards your goals? What have you got to fear?

“And when your Lord made it known: If you are grateful, I would certainly give to you more, and if you are ungrateful, My chastisement is truly severe.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:7)

Our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said that a smile is a form of sadaqah (charity). The most natural reaction on a pleasant experience is a form of charity, subhanAllah. Which brings me to the hot question of the day: who gets your smiles?

Do you smile most at the person whom you spend most time with? How about the one you’re committed to spend say… your entire lifetime?

The funky thing about a smile is that it can be heard over the telephone and seen through a niqaab, because a smile from within creeps into your eyes and it’s simply, undeniably there.

Part of being your husband’s Slick Girlfriend is to be his go-to person when he’s feeling low, and your most trusted gadget is your smile. Use it wisely.

The next time you have the feeling that a conversation with your spouse is heading towards an undesirable direction, think whether the outcome will even matter to you a month later, or even a week. Make the choice of being happy, over being right. Smile, and feel the ease in tension bi’thnillah.

Use your smile liberally. It’s just your husband, what have you got to lose, really?

The Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam said, “I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”

Have you got the gear to be your husband’s Slick Girlfriend? Get the moves by clicking here.