Drop the but – The Language of Love Begins Where Contradictions End

I come across many wives who are exasperated with their husbands after a conversation has gone awry. Being unable to identify the cause of discrepancy, the conclusion they usually come up with is that no matter what they say to their husbands, it will be taken the wrong way.

It is easy to blame the boss, the children, the in-laws, the hired help and of course the spouse.

The truth is that the biggest barrier between you and a productive conversations with your husband is not that which is set up by another person; the one piece that has everything else tumbling down is actually your own tongue and your limiting language.

Your every action begins with your thought and if your language albeit in your head is a limiting one then your actions will be direly affected as a result, as your thoughts determine your purpose and the consequent approach you take on in a matter.

If a wife tells herself that her husband is a thoughtful person but he tends to overlook the most obvious clues then she is gearing herself to disbelieve either one clause of her statement. Any statement that has a, ‘but’ in it negates either the phrase before or after it. This does not mean that the statement on its own is incorrect; just that the focus on the contradiction held together by the ‘but’ imposes an air of doubt over the positivity of the statement.

The thoughts define a purpose and the action based on the same purpose. Practically speaking, a wife who approaches her husband with a contradictory statement running in the back of her mind will already be on the offensive before getting a response or reaction from him, as she’s anticipated the worst.

The best way to understand the importance of language in a relationship would be to examine the flip side of a given situation.

Imagine if you were to speak to yourself in absolute statements:

1) My husband is a great listener.
2) He gets tired these days from work.

Just by eliminating the contradiction you consciously recognize both statements to be true and give them the equal amount of weight.

This is all what a marriage really requires: an equal chance for positive thoughts to exist in a person’s mind, just as often as negative ones do. Our thoughts define our purpose and our positive thoughts mean our actions are positive and we are already geared to take the outcome with a smile, knowing that we put our best foot forward in the given situation.

Drop the ‘but’ and give your spouse his due credit. Yes he is a very thoughtful person and yes he is weighed down with work presently. Take each sentence to mean the truth in its most absolute form and stop yourself each time you begin to contradict yourself, even in your thoughts.

The words running in your mind are responsible for your behavior towards your spouse and as they remain devoid of contradiction, so will your approach. Your smile will be unrestrained, the way you speak with him will be free of inhibitions and most importantly, your positivity will evoke a positive response!

Not an expert in your relationship? Then today is your luckiest day. It’s going to be a little tough, but one you’ve done it – it will seem like a piece of cake. That’s why nobody talks about this when you are getting married. Because most people want you to believe that a great marriage is a turn-key overnight solution.

One of the best ways to become an expert in your marriage and relationship is to get some great relationship advice.

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To your perfectly successful and happy marriage.

Fati K.