One of my claims to fame is the fact that I can’t aim. At all.

Just the other day I was tossing my phone on the bed and the phone landed on my unassuming husband instead. I watched in horror as the phone (almost in slow motion, does that happen to you?) made its way towards him. Alhamdu lillah he was unfazed by the apparent attack and instead asked me a question that inspired this post.

He asked me, “Were you thinking of not aiming for me when you tossed the phone?”

I was surprised by this question, more so because I was thinking exactly that.

The conversation that followed was of race car drivers.

Did you know that race car drivers are trained particularly in how they handle a skidding car?

What do you think they have to be careful about when their car skids? They must make sure they are looking towards where they want to head, rather than where they don’t.

Let me explain: if the car skids and it’s headed towards a wall, the chances of avoiding the wall are greatest when the driver has eyes on where he wants to steer the car.

If he were to keep looking towards the wall instead, although he may think his efforts are exerted on steering away, his energy and reflexes will be spent on where he is looking and the car will follow.

What does that tell you about the relation between your focus and your energy?

Have you ever come across sisters who say they don’t want to be a particular kind of person and yet, become more and more of that with each passing day? This is because they haven’t decided what they want to be instead.

You may be able to tell me and yourself constantly of what and who you don’t want to be, and in this case, what kind of marriage you don’t want. Just that if the sentence constantly rolling in your head is of the don’ts instead of the dos of marriage, then your energies will be spent (wasted, rather) on what you don’t want, leading you to feel stagnancy in your relationship.

Think of what you want instead, for yourself, your marriage, your deen, your duniya and akhirah. What do you look like? How do you look at those around you? How does your demeanor and language positively affect you and those around you?

Create as vivid a picture of all that you want to be, do and have for yourself and keep that as your focus.

Race car drivers are trained and tested on this, and imagine the amount of damage that would incur if they failed. That’s tangible damage, that you can see and hear, perhaps even feel. Come to think of it, so is yours.

The next time you are telling yourself what you don’t want in terms of a living situation or even a mood, ask yourself what you want instead and keep asking until you get an answer. What you get in a reply, that is your focus and when your energies are spent in attaining that, your outcome will reflect your goals inshaAllah.

Please make du’a for my family with each positive lesson learnt, bi’thnillah.

For those sisters who have the attitude and the focus towards working for all that they want in a marriage, here is a book containing the moves. I’m vouching for it because I have personally acted upon each one of them and alhamdu lillah benefit every day from.

Alhamdu lillah, Sr Yasmeen from MBMuslima Magazine interviewed me recently and my interview is published in the April / May issue of MBMuslima Magazine!

It’s so good to see relationship coaching and that too for Muslim sisters get such broad exposure, especially in an intelligent magazine such as MBMuslima

Have a look for yourself – www.MBMuslima.com, that’s one impressive table of contents mashaAllah.

While you’re having a read, please make du’a for the sisters behind the magazine for steadfastness in their purpose, and for myself as well.

A sister asked me just how you can be your husband’s girlfriend with, ‘no strings attached’ when getting married is exactly that: with strings attached.

The answer lies in giving your husband what you would like most: a best friend rolled into a spouse. His exclusive lifetime membership to the best customer service, ever.

Give your husband the sense of ease to be himself around you. Hear him out completely with your undivided attention, encourage him with a smile during an awkward conversation, and most importantly – let him finish his sentences before offering a solution.

Think about the best customer support you have ever received. How did the consultant make you feel? What did s/he say for you to speak of your problem candidly, and not have to think about your fault in the matter?

As an example, look at the given picture and mentally tick off all the services that you provide as a spouse. Now that you know the, ‘Customer Service Top 10,’ what are you going to do differently?

Men are just as capable of picking up on body language as women are. The creases on your forehead give you away even before you express displeasure at what you hear him say. The fact that you lean forward to hear him and nod at him lets him know you’re hanging on to his every word. Your body language speaks for you even when you are silent.

The way you listen to your husband when he’s speaking is a clear indication of whether you carry the gear to be his girlfriend with no strings attached. Give him the royal treatment that you deserve, and ask of your rights from Allah azza wa jal.

Treat your husband as your best customer, and remember: the customer is always right.

Such are the moves that I’ve laid out in my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves: Keep Your Husband In Love Everyday” You can get your copy by clicking here.

Alhamdu lillah, the one lesson that sisters are able to pick up on from my webinars is that of the APT approach: to Appreciate, Praise, and Thank your husband, everywhere and everytime.

So what is it about the APT approach that makes me stress it so, just about in every question I am faced with. Surely I’m better equipped as a Relationship Coach to come up with an original answer to each question that sisters ask me.

The truth remains, that the most original and honest thing you can do, in any given situation, is to simply be APT.

Read the complete article here. Remember to give in your feedback!

Our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said that a smile is a form of sadaqah (charity). The most natural reaction on a pleasant experience is a form of charity, subhanAllah. Which brings me to the hot question of the day: who gets your smiles?

Do you smile most at the person whom you spend most time with? How about the one you’re committed to spend say… your entire lifetime?

The funky thing about a smile is that it can be heard over the telephone and seen through a niqaab, because a smile from within creeps into your eyes and it’s simply, undeniably there.

Part of being your husband’s Slick Girlfriend is to be his go-to person when he’s feeling low, and your most trusted gadget is your smile. Use it wisely.

The next time you have the feeling that a conversation with your spouse is heading towards an undesirable direction, think whether the outcome will even matter to you a month later, or even a week. Make the choice of being happy, over being right. Smile, and feel the ease in tension bi’thnillah.

Use your smile liberally. It’s just your husband, what have you got to lose, really?

The Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam said, “I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”

Have you got the gear to be your husband’s Slick Girlfriend? Get the moves by clicking here.

SubhanAllah, something really interesting came up after my, “Date Your Husband” webinar. A portion of single sisters wrote in to explain how the webinar inspired them to take on their forthcoming marriages with a smile and a distinct plan. Another observation that popped up from the single sisters were how newly wed wives tend to lose the spark that they had towards working for their marriage, and resort to missing the days that ‘were’, so to speak.

JazakumAllahu khayran to all of you sisters who wrote in and shared your reflections in the online survey. One of the questions that pops up now is, “What causes the change in heart?” From thinking of countless ways to have a great marriage bi’thnillah while single, to running short on ideas and patience once you are married?

I usually get my share of, “It’s different when you’re parents / living with family / have household work to do” and perhaps the most common reply is that of, “When do I get to take a break and have him think for our marriage instead?”

Until a few days ago, I had a separate answer for each question and now I can roll all of the answers into one. The baggage that you carry from each experience does weigh you down from taking a step forward in your marriage.

Each question that begins with, “Yeah, but” has a history to it that you’re willing to keep and savor more than the promise of a better marriage bi’thnillah, only because what you already know of is comfortable, and the thought of a different future is… well scary.

So here’s my question to you, “Just how much of baggage from the past do you want to lug around for your remaining life, when our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam told us to be in this world as a mere traveler?” For a mere traveler, you know you’re carrying a whole lot around when it slows you down towards your purpose.

Alhamdu lillah as the comments and questions from sisters came streaming in, I became even more glad of my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves” since it’s a practical guide to everyday steps that you can take, irrespective of where you are, and who you live with, since these are moves that you can practice on your husband. To have that dreamy boyfriend, you must be a slick girlfriend in the ways he would like you to be, and the rest will come naturally inshaAllah, as it has with me and many other sisters.

The sisters who invested in the book came back with the ways they’ll implement in their marriage and I’d recommend it to you only when you are willing to lift that heavy foot from the past and move it ahead, because that, my dear sisters, is what sets the single, idyllic sisters apart from the married ones with a mundane perspective on marriage: your focus.

You can either shed the weight and move ahead now, or tell yourself that wives living in your situation simply cannot be happy, and leave it at that. You are still reading because you know just how incorrect the second statement is.

We spent a day in our local grocery store picking out a piece each of all the fruits we hadn’t eaten before. SubhanAllah, this is one of the fruits that we bore from our adventure. All pun intended.

I’m a huge fan of Google’s email services because of the little tweaks that they have to offer in the, “Labs” section. For example, take the “Undo Send” feature, which gives you a grace period of 2-3 seconds to hit, “Undo” in case you hastily sent an incomplete or incorrect email.