One of my claims to fame is the fact that I can’t aim. At all.

Just the other day I was tossing my phone on the bed and the phone landed on my unassuming husband instead. I watched in horror as the phone (almost in slow motion, does that happen to you?) made its way towards him. Alhamdu lillah he was unfazed by the apparent attack and instead asked me a question that inspired this post.

He asked me, “Were you thinking of not aiming for me when you tossed the phone?”

I was surprised by this question, more so because I was thinking exactly that.

The conversation that followed was of race car drivers.

Did you know that race car drivers are trained particularly in how they handle a skidding car?

What do you think they have to be careful about when their car skids? They must make sure they are looking towards where they want to head, rather than where they don’t.

Let me explain: if the car skids and it’s headed towards a wall, the chances of avoiding the wall are greatest when the driver has eyes on where he wants to steer the car.

If he were to keep looking towards the wall instead, although he may think his efforts are exerted on steering away, his energy and reflexes will be spent on where he is looking and the car will follow.

What does that tell you about the relation between your focus and your energy?

Have you ever come across sisters who say they don’t want to be a particular kind of person and yet, become more and more of that with each passing day? This is because they haven’t decided what they want to be instead.

You may be able to tell me and yourself constantly of what and who you don’t want to be, and in this case, what kind of marriage you don’t want. Just that if the sentence constantly rolling in your head is of the don’ts instead of the dos of marriage, then your energies will be spent (wasted, rather) on what you don’t want, leading you to feel stagnancy in your relationship.

Think of what you want instead, for yourself, your marriage, your deen, your duniya and akhirah. What do you look like? How do you look at those around you? How does your demeanor and language positively affect you and those around you?

Create as vivid a picture of all that you want to be, do and have for yourself and keep that as your focus.

Race car drivers are trained and tested on this, and imagine the amount of damage that would incur if they failed. That’s tangible damage, that you can see and hear, perhaps even feel. Come to think of it, so is yours.

The next time you are telling yourself what you don’t want in terms of a living situation or even a mood, ask yourself what you want instead and keep asking until you get an answer. What you get in a reply, that is your focus and when your energies are spent in attaining that, your outcome will reflect your goals inshaAllah.

Please make du’a for my family with each positive lesson learnt, bi’thnillah.

For those sisters who have the attitude and the focus towards working for all that they want in a marriage, here is a book containing the moves. I’m vouching for it because I have personally acted upon each one of them and alhamdu lillah benefit every day from.