One of my claims to fame is the fact that I can’t aim. At all.

Just the other day I was tossing my phone on the bed and the phone landed on my unassuming husband instead. I watched in horror as the phone (almost in slow motion, does that happen to you?) made its way towards him. Alhamdu lillah he was unfazed by the apparent attack and instead asked me a question that inspired this post.

He asked me, “Were you thinking of not aiming for me when you tossed the phone?”

I was surprised by this question, more so because I was thinking exactly that.

The conversation that followed was of race car drivers.

Did you know that race car drivers are trained particularly in how they handle a skidding car?

What do you think they have to be careful about when their car skids? They must make sure they are looking towards where they want to head, rather than where they don’t.

Let me explain: if the car skids and it’s headed towards a wall, the chances of avoiding the wall are greatest when the driver has eyes on where he wants to steer the car.

If he were to keep looking towards the wall instead, although he may think his efforts are exerted on steering away, his energy and reflexes will be spent on where he is looking and the car will follow.

What does that tell you about the relation between your focus and your energy?

Have you ever come across sisters who say they don’t want to be a particular kind of person and yet, become more and more of that with each passing day? This is because they haven’t decided what they want to be instead.

You may be able to tell me and yourself constantly of what and who you don’t want to be, and in this case, what kind of marriage you don’t want. Just that if the sentence constantly rolling in your head is of the don’ts instead of the dos of marriage, then your energies will be spent (wasted, rather) on what you don’t want, leading you to feel stagnancy in your relationship.

Think of what you want instead, for yourself, your marriage, your deen, your duniya and akhirah. What do you look like? How do you look at those around you? How does your demeanor and language positively affect you and those around you?

Create as vivid a picture of all that you want to be, do and have for yourself and keep that as your focus.

Race car drivers are trained and tested on this, and imagine the amount of damage that would incur if they failed. That’s tangible damage, that you can see and hear, perhaps even feel. Come to think of it, so is yours.

The next time you are telling yourself what you don’t want in terms of a living situation or even a mood, ask yourself what you want instead and keep asking until you get an answer. What you get in a reply, that is your focus and when your energies are spent in attaining that, your outcome will reflect your goals inshaAllah.

Please make du’a for my family with each positive lesson learnt, bi’thnillah.

For those sisters who have the attitude and the focus towards working for all that they want in a marriage, here is a book containing the moves. I’m vouching for it because I have personally acted upon each one of them and alhamdu lillah benefit every day from.

Alhamdu lillah, Sr Yasmeen from MBMuslima Magazine interviewed me recently and my interview is published in the April / May issue of MBMuslima Magazine!

It’s so good to see relationship coaching and that too for Muslim sisters get such broad exposure, especially in an intelligent magazine such as MBMuslima

Have a look for yourself – www.MBMuslima.com, that’s one impressive table of contents mashaAllah.

While you’re having a read, please make du’a for the sisters behind the magazine for steadfastness in their purpose, and for myself as well.

Alhamdu lillah, the one lesson that sisters are able to pick up on from my webinars is that of the APT approach: to Appreciate, Praise, and Thank your husband, everywhere and everytime.

So what is it about the APT approach that makes me stress it so, just about in every question I am faced with. Surely I’m better equipped as a Relationship Coach to come up with an original answer to each question that sisters ask me.

The truth remains, that the most original and honest thing you can do, in any given situation, is to simply be APT.

Read the complete article here. Remember to give in your feedback!

If Allah helps you, none can overcome you: If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? in Allah, then, Let believers put their trust.” (Surah Al-Imran 3:160)

The key to mastering your relationship is to think, act, walk and speak like the wife who has it all, already. Everything about you illustrates the trust you have in your desired outcome and your ability to achieve it, inshaAllah.

I mentioned on my Facebook Fan page how I stumbled onto an old blog that I maintained as far back as 8 years ago and subhanAllah I felt humbled by what that I knew then in relation to all that I do now.

My relationship coaching is for the Muslim sister who wants to take on her marriage with the approach of owning up to everything that happens in it, and working towards her goals keeping her personal input in mind.

Similarly my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves” is ideal for you if you want to be that girlfriend your husband chooses to date, any given day.

I can provide you the tools and I can even tell you why you ought to step into your girlfriend shoes today, and own your marriage. As a Relationship Coach I can give you the push you need towards your goals bi’thnillah, but let me tell you something straight up: you’ve got to have a prayer.

I thought of the ways I can tell you just how essential it is to have that trust and that positive vision towards all the marriage that you want, what you must do in order to have what you seek inshaAllah. Here’s an excerpt from my blog, written 4 years ago:

‘I think of our du’a after ruku in the salah. “Allah has Listened to the one who has praised him.” Affirmation. It’s not, “Allah Will.” It’s, “Allah Has.”

All of these are signs from Him, as is everything else. I guess I am trying to pen my thoughts in my own words and will keep on fumbling with words synonymous with awe, hope and contentment when all I need to echo are His very own.

“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace”[Surah Al-Ra'd 13:28]” ‘

And that is precisely the reason why making du’a is the first step in any goal setting that we get done during our coaching. We echo this affirmation after each ruku, subhanAllah.

What’s stopping you from taking that first step towards your goals? What have you got to fear?

“And when your Lord made it known: If you are grateful, I would certainly give to you more, and if you are ungrateful, My chastisement is truly severe.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:7)

SubhanAllah, something really interesting came up after my, “Date Your Husband” webinar. A portion of single sisters wrote in to explain how the webinar inspired them to take on their forthcoming marriages with a smile and a distinct plan. Another observation that popped up from the single sisters were how newly wed wives tend to lose the spark that they had towards working for their marriage, and resort to missing the days that ‘were’, so to speak.

JazakumAllahu khayran to all of you sisters who wrote in and shared your reflections in the online survey. One of the questions that pops up now is, “What causes the change in heart?” From thinking of countless ways to have a great marriage bi’thnillah while single, to running short on ideas and patience once you are married?

I usually get my share of, “It’s different when you’re parents / living with family / have household work to do” and perhaps the most common reply is that of, “When do I get to take a break and have him think for our marriage instead?”

Until a few days ago, I had a separate answer for each question and now I can roll all of the answers into one. The baggage that you carry from each experience does weigh you down from taking a step forward in your marriage.

Each question that begins with, “Yeah, but” has a history to it that you’re willing to keep and savor more than the promise of a better marriage bi’thnillah, only because what you already know of is comfortable, and the thought of a different future is… well scary.

So here’s my question to you, “Just how much of baggage from the past do you want to lug around for your remaining life, when our Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam told us to be in this world as a mere traveler?” For a mere traveler, you know you’re carrying a whole lot around when it slows you down towards your purpose.

Alhamdu lillah as the comments and questions from sisters came streaming in, I became even more glad of my book, “40 Slick Girlfriend Moves” since it’s a practical guide to everyday steps that you can take, irrespective of where you are, and who you live with, since these are moves that you can practice on your husband. To have that dreamy boyfriend, you must be a slick girlfriend in the ways he would like you to be, and the rest will come naturally inshaAllah, as it has with me and many other sisters.

The sisters who invested in the book came back with the ways they’ll implement in their marriage and I’d recommend it to you only when you are willing to lift that heavy foot from the past and move it ahead, because that, my dear sisters, is what sets the single, idyllic sisters apart from the married ones with a mundane perspective on marriage: your focus.

You can either shed the weight and move ahead now, or tell yourself that wives living in your situation simply cannot be happy, and leave it at that. You are still reading because you know just how incorrect the second statement is.

We spent a day in our local grocery store picking out a piece each of all the fruits we hadn’t eaten before. SubhanAllah, this is one of the fruits that we bore from our adventure. All pun intended.

I’m a huge fan of Google’s email services because of the little tweaks that they have to offer in the, “Labs” section. For example, take the “Undo Send” feature, which gives you a grace period of 2-3 seconds to hit, “Undo” in case you hastily sent an incomplete or incorrect email.